Over the past months, I have been going through an unusual time in my life. By reading Francis Chan's "Crazy Love", I was convicted specifically of being luke-warm in my faith as discussed in Revelations 3, and serving God left-overs rather than my best. I am still digesting all of this as I write, and I am still not certain how to proceed.
I have realized that I have been trying to do things in my power, by my will or control (which is truly an oxymoron if you think about it), and staying safe in what I am comfortable in. I know I must live more by faith but not certain exactly what that means. Specifically how do I lead my family to do this? How do I lead the adults who help serve in the student ministry? How do I lead the students?
This has been a difficult process and it is causing me to examine myself. Am I the leader to lead students to the next level? Am I going to be able to survive the pace of our church (which if you don't know is quite fast & unusual based on the things God has done in our church)? How can I be in this church that I love so much and survive for the long haul? The way that I am handling things is wearing me out, so what must I do to change in order to not only survive, but also to God-willing thrive in leading students to becoming lifelong followers of Christ who are passionate about their faith.
I would love to shoot whoever said following after Christ is easy. There are a lot of guys today who say that if you follow Christ, you can name whatever you want, and you will be blessed and get that. You will have the health you want and all the wealth you want. This could not be further from Scripture, but I see that it is affecting our students today. When real life happens, it causes them to question their faith. Why does bad things happen to good people? Why would God allow suffering? could it be that here in America we have become too accustomed to the good times and haven't experienced the persecution or enough bad times for us to trust in the Father? Actually the people of Israel did this too! But the reality is that I think if we don't watch ourselves, we will too and maybe that is what I have been doing myself.
glad to see u wrote here again. i've still been praying for you especially. sometimes i think it is easy to serve the Lord, when things are going well, and i am well-rested, but sometimes, like now, i am having trouble controlling my emotions and so have been keeping myself a bit removed from others. i know that that is a luxury you don't have very often with your responsiblities. i pray for a balance in your life of caring for yourself, your family and your job at church (which i know does affect so many others)...all of this as you let God care for you and you care more and more every day about staying close to Him. Seems to me God works in His power in the least expected times and ways when people touch one another's lives individually...this seems really true for me.
ReplyDeletebut, when i was growing up, my dad abused me emotionally and sexually and my mom couldn't bring herself to deal with it, so i had little support at home to grow in the Lord. i got saved when i was twelve and just going into a youth group in a very small church. if the youth leader, Wanda Lou Little, we still correspond...if she hadn't been there for me i probably wouldn't have made it to adulthood. she was always there for me and loved me without putting down my parents except to tell me that God's way is always the best...she had a profound effect on my life.
i am sure there are lots of kids like that under your care at church...just always remember that God's way is easy because we trust in Him every second.
Things may change midstream and we won't expect it, don't doubt yourself and your belief in God's ability to carry you through...just remember He knows the whole story, everyone's needs...all of us at once.
as Matt Ivory told me in small group once and I really needed to hear it: I'm not God.
but, in God...I can do anything He asks of me...even take time to rest when He tells me too...Tommy had such a hard time in his last year or so of pastoring...trying to build a new 'living center' at their church called 'the bridge'...i think , he felt the burden of the responsibilities at church building and couldn't see how it was hurting him...when really he was God's vessel, so hard to remember when we are a leader.
the hardest thing i've learned in my life is God doesn't want me to charge ahead of Him when He gives me a little direction, He wants me to keep paying attention along the way and care about my needs also...that's not selfishness...who am i to tell God I have no limits on energy, schedules, responsibilities...i know there are people who do great things for God and have loads and loads of responsibilities and i prob am not smart enough to know how they balance everything, but this i know...
i find peace in thinking of being in God's will like floating down a river on a log in Him in His grace, peace and power...He lets me move along in the water at a gentle pace and sometimes a very fast pace, that's how rivers are...but Christians don't get still and listen to Him often enough to listen when He says, "Jo Ann, there's a bad bend in the river coming ahead, can't say when, but prepare , rest when you need to...remember, in the beginning, I created the whole universe in seven days. I walked on water, but not every day...My will is exciting and shouldn't drain the strength out of your mind...restoration comes from being in My will as I reveal it to you...and you have to be still on your log to hear me..." anyway, i think the Lord says that to me.
sorry if i sound preachy, i love you much...maybe it's my age, but sometimes going so fast causes lots of people to get lost along the wayside because we aren't still enough to hear Him say, "Hey, don't be so busy that you can't hear the cries of the quiet ones..." i love you much and i so appreciate your precious heart and love for the Lord.
if i said anything that's silly, just ignore it,ha, i do that sometimes...lv u,jo ann