Update

Over the past month, our world has been overwhelmed. Terra's dad had a hemmoradic (spelling?) stroke which has affected his memory, hearing, right side, and his speech. He sounds the same, but the words he uses are not always right. He may or may not remember your name or his grandkids' names. We will not know what is permanent for at least another month or possibly as much as 3. The blood from the bleeding on his brain has to be absorbed by the body.

The reality that we as a family are dealing with the possibility of permanent damage which causes fear and stress, especially on Terra, her sisters, and her mom. What will we do? Will things ever be the same? What will Terra's mom do with trying to run a daycare and taking care of him? We face a lot of uncertainty on our end. BUT . . . .

This has not caught God off-guard. He is on His throne and in control. Somehow this will bring Him glory. The issue I face is how do I help my wife? How do I help my family? What if he is never the same? And the question that lies in the room like the elephant that no one wants to talk about is WHY??????? I am around these type of things enough to know that we may never know. But my human nature still screams out wanting answers.

Would you (the few who may read this) pray for him and pray for Terra's mom? And would you ask the Lord to glorify Himself through this?

Too much time in hospitals

Have you been to a hospital in a waiting room, Emergency Room, or hospital room, and it just drains the life out of you. I don't mean just make you tired, but I mean the kind of "sucking the very life out of your bones and marrow" (if I can sound a little King James Version-esque). For whatever reason, this year and going back into last year has seemed to do this for me. I can't put my finger on it, but I think I might be at the starting point of grasping the bigger picture. But let me go back to the beginning of this diatribe to the Middle of December, 2010.


A man in our church was hit right in the sternum by a bull and broke every rib. He was in the hospital for weeks.

A girl in our church got a form of staph or strep that almost completely closed her airway. She was in the hospital for almost 2 weeks.

A close family friend's father (also in our church) went into the hospital and then got to go HOME but leaving us here.

A father of 4 of my students was in a car accident and is still in the hospital facing another surgery tomorrow as I write this. He faces a long road of rehab, longer than mine with my foot. Did I mention that they are all in our church?

Another female student, whose family is one of my most faithful student workers, has been battling some heart issues and then apparently had a focal seizure due to migraine headaches and has been in the ER and facing tests; again in our church.

A fellow staff member here in our church just had back surgery in the past week.

Another close family friend who is (you are beginning to the get the picture that they are in our church by now, right?) having their youngest son have another surgery tomorrow morning. He was in the hospital a little over a month ago battling stomach virus and the flu.

Then there is my family. My wife's sister had her first child this past Friday but he is still in the hospital due to not enough oxygen in his blood. He is only 2 weeks early. His parents have been handling this like warriors by the way, but they are related to me.

Last night my grandmother was admitted to the hospital due to a mini-stroke, which tests conclude that she is not at risk for a bigger stroke or another mini, but still in the hospital.



Here is my conclusion: God has to be up to something. I don't mean that He is causing this, but what I mean is that God must have some big plans for our church, b/c this has got to be Satan or the devil attacking us. But whatever it is, I long to see what God has planned. Jeremiah 29:11-14. You should go and read it.

But I am also realizing that I am weak and tired. And to be brutally honest, I don't want to go to any more hospitals. But I will. I don't want to see people I care about sick, injured, hurt, dying, etc. But it will happen. The reality is that I need an attitude adjustment like it talks about in Philippians 2:5-8. Again, you should go and read that and then pray that I will have this attitude. Maybe for all of us.

Bottom line, God do what you must to increase Your Kingdom. May I be found faithful to do all I can to make You stand out above all else.

Hasta La Vista 2010-I won't miss you

Last year was one of the years that I could do without. It was my 35th upon this rock we call Earth and it was one of the hardest emotionally, physically, etc. On Jan 1, I discovered my uncle had been murdered. Next came the ice storm which turned it all upside down here in Stephens County and Oklahoma.

On Aug 1, I was stupid and jumped from a 4 foot stage and broke my foot. 2 surgeries, a cast, 2 walking boots later, I am in 2 shoes but can't run or jump at all yet. It has been physically exhausting!

So needless to say, 2011, here's hoping you are better!

ever feel attacked

I have been reading in 1-2 Kings recently, and a story that has been on my mind for a days has the been the story of 1 Kings 17-18 where the prophet Elijah gets a Word from God and then must follow up on it. God has said that it won't rain until Elijah gives the word based upon the evil and sin of the people, particularly the sin of the King Ahab and his evil wife Jezebel. Then God send Elijah way out into the wilderness where God will watch over Elijah by sending ravens to bring food to him.

Long story short, finally the word from God comes to go and tell the king that they need to meet and rain will come soon. But Elijah tells the king to bring his "religious people" who worship the god of Baal to a place called Mt. Carmel. It is the ultimate in showdowns. These 400 prophets or priest of Baal are to prepare a bull for sacrifice but they can't set it on fire. They must pray to their god. It is quite comical on what happens and yet a picture of human blindness, futility, stupidity, er. you get the picture hopefully. Check out 1 Kings 18-25-29.

Then it is Elijah's turn and that starts in verse 40. He makes it near impossible for it happen unless God shows up and boy did God ever show up! Right after this, Elijah prays for rain it is a "gully washer" to borrow a phrase from the South.

But my reason for this post comes in Chapter 19 right after God has done all this amazing stuff and Elijah was used of God. Verses 1-2, Elijah was personally threatened, and attacked. Why would a man who has just seen God show up in such a powerful way, a miraculous way do what Elijah did as we see in verse 3. Did he not learn anything? Hello! God protected him, provided for him during the drought, and proved Himself all over.

Yet Elijah was fearful and wanted to die. Elijah was a man just like you and I. His life was threatened and he was personally being attacked. He had been in isolation for a while and I am sure he didn't like it much as we people need each other. But sometimes it is the people that we need the most who hurt the most. We feel betrayed. We feel hurt. We feel like the carpet has been pulled out from our feet and we don't think clearly. I am beginning to understand what Elijah may have been going through.

I am not going into specifics but I am feeling this way and I need to hear from God. Maybe the accusation is completely true, maybe not but this seems to be taken me out of sync. I wonder what this means. I wonder why. I feel betrayed. I feel hurt. I am mad to be honest. The bottom line is that I am in no way a man of Elijah's character or level. I am not one to be in the same conversation with the man, but the events that have taken place and truthfully been taking place for a while (i was just hoping that I was wrong about the person) would work themselves out. I think this might have been what Elijah was going through. I may be way off base, but it is where I am at or how it feels to me and may have felt to Elijah.

If you are one of the 2 or 3 who read this, would you lift me up? Would you ask God to give me and my family a teachable spirit? Would you ask that we honor God despite our circumstances and that we act with wisdom, discernment, and handle things with grace? Would you ask that I not act out on my emotions or feelings which is really what I want to do?

Thanks and if you find yourself feeling like this, please let me know so I can do the same for you.

Abbey reading.

October 16, 2010 4:13 PM

Jackson singing