ever feel attacked

I have been reading in 1-2 Kings recently, and a story that has been on my mind for a days has the been the story of 1 Kings 17-18 where the prophet Elijah gets a Word from God and then must follow up on it. God has said that it won't rain until Elijah gives the word based upon the evil and sin of the people, particularly the sin of the King Ahab and his evil wife Jezebel. Then God send Elijah way out into the wilderness where God will watch over Elijah by sending ravens to bring food to him.

Long story short, finally the word from God comes to go and tell the king that they need to meet and rain will come soon. But Elijah tells the king to bring his "religious people" who worship the god of Baal to a place called Mt. Carmel. It is the ultimate in showdowns. These 400 prophets or priest of Baal are to prepare a bull for sacrifice but they can't set it on fire. They must pray to their god. It is quite comical on what happens and yet a picture of human blindness, futility, stupidity, er. you get the picture hopefully. Check out 1 Kings 18-25-29.

Then it is Elijah's turn and that starts in verse 40. He makes it near impossible for it happen unless God shows up and boy did God ever show up! Right after this, Elijah prays for rain it is a "gully washer" to borrow a phrase from the South.

But my reason for this post comes in Chapter 19 right after God has done all this amazing stuff and Elijah was used of God. Verses 1-2, Elijah was personally threatened, and attacked. Why would a man who has just seen God show up in such a powerful way, a miraculous way do what Elijah did as we see in verse 3. Did he not learn anything? Hello! God protected him, provided for him during the drought, and proved Himself all over.

Yet Elijah was fearful and wanted to die. Elijah was a man just like you and I. His life was threatened and he was personally being attacked. He had been in isolation for a while and I am sure he didn't like it much as we people need each other. But sometimes it is the people that we need the most who hurt the most. We feel betrayed. We feel hurt. We feel like the carpet has been pulled out from our feet and we don't think clearly. I am beginning to understand what Elijah may have been going through.

I am not going into specifics but I am feeling this way and I need to hear from God. Maybe the accusation is completely true, maybe not but this seems to be taken me out of sync. I wonder what this means. I wonder why. I feel betrayed. I feel hurt. I am mad to be honest. The bottom line is that I am in no way a man of Elijah's character or level. I am not one to be in the same conversation with the man, but the events that have taken place and truthfully been taking place for a while (i was just hoping that I was wrong about the person) would work themselves out. I think this might have been what Elijah was going through. I may be way off base, but it is where I am at or how it feels to me and may have felt to Elijah.

If you are one of the 2 or 3 who read this, would you lift me up? Would you ask God to give me and my family a teachable spirit? Would you ask that we honor God despite our circumstances and that we act with wisdom, discernment, and handle things with grace? Would you ask that I not act out on my emotions or feelings which is really what I want to do?

Thanks and if you find yourself feeling like this, please let me know so I can do the same for you.

Abbey reading.

October 16, 2010 4:13 PM

Jackson singing

the story of the foot-part one

It was the Sunday after Falls Creek, the world’s largest Christian youth camp. We had a great week at camp with 10 students choosing Jesus Christ as their personal Lord and Savior. Our theme for Falls Creek was SENT-- as Jesus has called us and sent us out into the world to spread the Gospel. On this Sunday morning, we were in our 2nd worship service which is definitely a rocking service. We had been singing some songs that we had sung during camp. The song, “Sing like the saved” was being sung, and we came to the line, “we’re gonna dance like the saved”. So to liven things up even more, we were doing silly dances like the Sprinkler, the lawnmower, and more. A friend of mine known as Jessy Douglass said, “Jeremy, do the monkey bars!” This just happened to be a dance we did during camp led by our videographer Danny Tibbs. Naturally as any good student pastor will do, I started doing it and was doing it quite well I might add. I did it so well that one of the band calls me up. Thank you Mikey Eaves for this by the way. So I get up on stage, which is about 4 foot tall and I start doing the Monkey Bars on stage in front of at least 600 people. As I am doing this, I think to myself that I need to jump from the stage. The closer I get to the edge of the stage, the clearer it becomes that I must do this! It will be the perfect moment. It wouldn’t hurt anything and it would add to the atmosphere of this fun, energetic time of worship. (What I haven’t mentioned for those of you who don’t attend our church is that the students sit in the front in our center section and stage right front sections. I am on stage right in front of all of them.) The crowd was responding and enjoying. People were having fun, people were laughing, and people were singing. Church should be fun right! So back to our story.

We’re gonna dance like the saved, and I hit the edge of the stage and jump up at least a foot up from the stage level, which now makes me at least 5 foot off the ground. But I don’t just jump. I jump up with both of my arms spread out and my legs too. I am literally making an X with my body as I am flying up and now down to the ground. Suddenly the breeze from a 200 lb body hurling itself down to the ground causes my shirt which is untucked to fly up exposing my curvaceous midsection to be shown to at least 200 of the 600 people. Naturally being the gentlemen that I am, I try to pull my shirt down. Remember I am still flying through the air with the greatest of ease, but as I pull my shirt down I lose my balance and I am now about to land. The problem is that I am about to land on my left foot in the tippy-toe position with shoes that I don’t need to be jumping off a stage of 4 feet. Then it happens. I land and I fall down from my left foot to my left knee.

I can’t remember exactly what happened next. I think I crawled over to my chair but I may have hopped. Regardless everyone around me is laughing as I am, except I know something that they don’t. I know my foot is broke b/c I can feel things moving inside that shouldn’t be moving.

My darling wife is laughing but she is also embarrassed. As I tell her that I broke it, she doesn’t believe me at first but finally she goes to get me some Advil so I can make it through church. I did make it through, but honestly I don’t remember the sermon as I was in pain and trying to determine how bad it was. However the story is far from over.

As the sermon ends, the pastors, which I am one by the way, go up to the front to welcome anyone who is making a public decision or needs prayer, etc. I have to somehow stand. My pastor doesn’t realize exactly what happened as he didn’t see the jump. But I hobbled up as students came up to share with the church decisions that they had made while at camp. Normally at the end, our pastor shares with the church all the decisions but since so many are from camp, he asks me to come and share them. But I try to quietly tell him that I broke my foot, but he doesn’t believe me. Finally he begins to believe but tells me to hop up to share with the church. So now everyone is laughing that I broke my foot.

With more to come in part 2. . . . . .

Recent musings by yours truly

Over the past months, I have been going through an unusual time in my life. By reading Francis Chan's "Crazy Love", I was convicted specifically of being luke-warm in my faith as discussed in Revelations 3, and serving God left-overs rather than my best. I am still digesting all of this as I write, and I am still not certain how to proceed.

I have realized that I have been trying to do things in my power, by my will or control (which is truly an oxymoron if you think about it), and staying safe in what I am comfortable in. I know I must live more by faith but not certain exactly what that means. Specifically how do I lead my family to do this? How do I lead the adults who help serve in the student ministry? How do I lead the students?

This has been a difficult process and it is causing me to examine myself. Am I the leader to lead students to the next level? Am I going to be able to survive the pace of our church (which if you don't know is quite fast & unusual based on the things God has done in our church)? How can I be in this church that I love so much and survive for the long haul? The way that I am handling things is wearing me out, so what must I do to change in order to not only survive, but also to God-willing thrive in leading students to becoming lifelong followers of Christ who are passionate about their faith.

I would love to shoot whoever said following after Christ is easy. There are a lot of guys today who say that if you follow Christ, you can name whatever you want, and you will be blessed and get that. You will have the health you want and all the wealth you want. This could not be further from Scripture, but I see that it is affecting our students today. When real life happens, it causes them to question their faith. Why does bad things happen to good people? Why would God allow suffering? could it be that here in America we have become too accustomed to the good times and haven't experienced the persecution or enough bad times for us to trust in the Father? Actually the people of Israel did this too! But the reality is that I think if we don't watch ourselves, we will too and maybe that is what I have been doing myself.

No more leftovers

I am not quite sure what to call this phase of life that I am in.

Physically, I am 35 but feel 65, if you can know what a particular age feels like. I can't get enough sleep and when I can, my body hurts so I wake up. I don't exercise like I know I should b/c I am always tired when I can. My bouts with back pain continue, my eyes continue to cause issues, which only causes me stress and anxiety.

I am reading the book Crazy Love by Francis Chan. Yet God says in His word to "Rejoice in the Lord ALWAYS. Verse 6 goes on to say these condemning words "do not be anxious about anything."

I am paraphrasing from Chan's book now. When I convey my belief in my head that my stress/anxiety/circumstances are bigger than God's commands to always rejoice and not to be anxious about anything, I essentially say my issues are bigger than God's word and that I have the right to disobey God.

Here is direct from Chan on page 42
WORRY-imples that we don't quite trust that God is big enough, powerful enough, or loving enough to take care of what's happening in our lives. STRESS--says taht the things that we are involved in are important enough to merit our impatience, our lack of grace toward others, or our tight grip of control."

OUCH!!! Who do I think that I am? Yet I struggle with this and I am in a place where emotionally, spiritually I feel drained and almost empty. I don't know what to do or how to do much, but I am trying to run to my Dad. To the one or two who may actually read this, I am not seeking your professional psychological advice but seeking your prayers.

The thing that this book and journey is teaching me that is that I don't want to give God any leftovers (chapter 5 of Crazy Love) but I am quite guilty of that. My Lord who has forgiven me of the unforgiveable, saved me from the impossible, and lifted me up out of the bottomless pit, deserves my very best.

It seems that I have been guilty of giving my best to my "job" but not to the One who called me to this "job." It is so easy in ministry to get so busy doing ministry that I neglect the most important relationship with my Lord and Savior. I have been so guilty of expecting God to do things my way and then get frustrated when my way was not met, that I not only put God in a box, but I ignored my time with Him.

I have just finished reading Ecclesiastes, which I must warn you not to read in a time of depression or sorrow b/c it is all meaningless anyway, a chasing after the wind, so it will only be gas to a fire. I don't want to mislead you or cause you to think that I have not been in the Word or spent time with God. But my time was been my leftover time. It has been when I could fit Him in, rather than making time for Him. I was looking at it more out of duty rather spending time with the One who has been chasing after me, waiting on me, and loving me in spite of my many failures.

Simply put, this blog has been more for my benefit than anyone else's, so that I could write out a little of what is going on my head. I just know that my Savior deserves my best, and I quite convicted that He has not received that. He deserves more from me, not b/c I should, but b/c I want to.

When you think of it or after reading this, would you lift up a prayer or two for me that God will consume all of me and that He will be in control and I will simply yield and quit trying it my way.

Do I have a Crazy kind of love?

I am reading a book that is must read for a Christian. In a time when many who call themselves Christians yet look and act no different than the world, this book by Francis Chan called "Crazy Love" is a necessary read. But I warn you upfront, don't read this book if you aren't willing to take your faith journey seriously. If you want to be like the world, live like the world, look like the world, then do not read this book.

However if you want to take your faith deeper and look more like Christ Jesus, then take the challenge. It is not an easy read by any means. I can only read part of it and then I have to put it down and confess/pray/repent/dig into the Word. However, the theology is right on and something we need for right now. At least I do.

Our church is going to be doing this as a small group Bible study on Sunday nights, and it will be something that will cause us to go deeper and quite possibly show our true colors. It is time, it is necessary, and it is a Godly mandate that we look/act/love differently than the world. I must be more like my Savior, my Lord, my God.

I hope you take the challenge. I hope you go deeper. I hope you have a Crazy kind of love.

For the Kingdom and for His glory

dealing with murder and more

On January 1, my uncle was shot and killed by a guy who worked for him. Needless to say, he was not one of high morality. In fact, he was just the opposite. However, throughout this entire process my anger has been more directed towards my uncle as has my mom, since it was her brother.

My uncle was an alcoholic. Alcohol was an accessory to the murder, since both men were drinking. In fact, both men were alcoholics and when drinking would get into knock-down drag out fights consistently according to my cousin, the son of my uncle.

My uncle also surrounded himself with people of less than noble character. He pushed everyone else away. The saying that people will drag you down is definitely certain in the case of my uncle. Surround yourself with people of honor and integrity and you will become more honorable and full of integrity. Surround yourself with the opposite and well, you get the picture.

My uncle was a Vietnam veteran. In fact, everyone who knew him before and after say that he was never the same. I would have liked to known the man before, but all I have known is the distant man whom I called Uncle Don. Regardless of whether you support a war or not, support our troops. Take it up with the politicians and not the soliders. They are only following orders. 2nd, don't be like many during the late 60's, 70's, and even now who spit on soliders, curse them, hold protests against the soldiers, or treat them as criminals. This only aided in the bitterness and anger of my uncle and other Vietnam veterans who deserve better.

Through this death, we are uncovering things that we did not know that were there. My mom is struggling which hurts my heart. She is angry, not at the murderer, but at my uncle as he chose to allow this guy around. He chose to drink. He chose to isolate himself. He chose not to be close to his son, which has only caused him to be angry as well. One man's choice has rippled into the lives of so many others.

When someone tells you that their choices/actions don't affect others, just think of my uncle.

Throughout this entire ordeal which is truly beyond the words or lack thereof that I can express. Christians have been praying for our family. I truly don't know how we would have gone through the past 10 days. Friends have called and shared their prayers. How do people get through the storms of life without the hope/peace/strength/grace that comes from Jesus?

So if that is you, thank you.

We still face the courts, a District Attorney in Cotton county who shares no information with the family. He won't even take an appointment. We wonder why our court system is corrupt and not worthy of trust. See him for an illustration. but God is on His throne and He is the One in control. He is the ultimate Judge. We still need your prayers, and my mom and my cousin need them the most.

Would you ask the Father to use this tragedy to draw my cousin to Him? Would God somehow get the glory through this!