Over the past months, I have been going through an unusual time in my life. By reading Francis Chan's "Crazy Love", I was convicted specifically of being luke-warm in my faith as discussed in Revelations 3, and serving God left-overs rather than my best. I am still digesting all of this as I write, and I am still not certain how to proceed.
I have realized that I have been trying to do things in my power, by my will or control (which is truly an oxymoron if you think about it), and staying safe in what I am comfortable in. I know I must live more by faith but not certain exactly what that means. Specifically how do I lead my family to do this? How do I lead the adults who help serve in the student ministry? How do I lead the students?
This has been a difficult process and it is causing me to examine myself. Am I the leader to lead students to the next level? Am I going to be able to survive the pace of our church (which if you don't know is quite fast & unusual based on the things God has done in our church)? How can I be in this church that I love so much and survive for the long haul? The way that I am handling things is wearing me out, so what must I do to change in order to not only survive, but also to God-willing thrive in leading students to becoming lifelong followers of Christ who are passionate about their faith.
I would love to shoot whoever said following after Christ is easy. There are a lot of guys today who say that if you follow Christ, you can name whatever you want, and you will be blessed and get that. You will have the health you want and all the wealth you want. This could not be further from Scripture, but I see that it is affecting our students today. When real life happens, it causes them to question their faith. Why does bad things happen to good people? Why would God allow suffering? could it be that here in America we have become too accustomed to the good times and haven't experienced the persecution or enough bad times for us to trust in the Father? Actually the people of Israel did this too! But the reality is that I think if we don't watch ourselves, we will too and maybe that is what I have been doing myself.
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Thursday, April 22, 2010
No more leftovers
I am not quite sure what to call this phase of life that I am in.
Physically, I am 35 but feel 65, if you can know what a particular age feels like. I can't get enough sleep and when I can, my body hurts so I wake up. I don't exercise like I know I should b/c I am always tired when I can. My bouts with back pain continue, my eyes continue to cause issues, which only causes me stress and anxiety.
I am reading the book Crazy Love by Francis Chan. Yet God says in His word to "Rejoice in the Lord ALWAYS. Verse 6 goes on to say these condemning words "do not be anxious about anything."
I am paraphrasing from Chan's book now. When I convey my belief in my head that my stress/anxiety/circumstances are bigger than God's commands to always rejoice and not to be anxious about anything, I essentially say my issues are bigger than God's word and that I have the right to disobey God.
Here is direct from Chan on page 42
WORRY-imples that we don't quite trust that God is big enough, powerful enough, or loving enough to take care of what's happening in our lives. STRESS--says taht the things that we are involved in are important enough to merit our impatience, our lack of grace toward others, or our tight grip of control."
OUCH!!! Who do I think that I am? Yet I struggle with this and I am in a place where emotionally, spiritually I feel drained and almost empty. I don't know what to do or how to do much, but I am trying to run to my Dad. To the one or two who may actually read this, I am not seeking your professional psychological advice but seeking your prayers.
The thing that this book and journey is teaching me that is that I don't want to give God any leftovers (chapter 5 of Crazy Love) but I am quite guilty of that. My Lord who has forgiven me of the unforgiveable, saved me from the impossible, and lifted me up out of the bottomless pit, deserves my very best.
It seems that I have been guilty of giving my best to my "job" but not to the One who called me to this "job." It is so easy in ministry to get so busy doing ministry that I neglect the most important relationship with my Lord and Savior. I have been so guilty of expecting God to do things my way and then get frustrated when my way was not met, that I not only put God in a box, but I ignored my time with Him.
I have just finished reading Ecclesiastes, which I must warn you not to read in a time of depression or sorrow b/c it is all meaningless anyway, a chasing after the wind, so it will only be gas to a fire. I don't want to mislead you or cause you to think that I have not been in the Word or spent time with God. But my time was been my leftover time. It has been when I could fit Him in, rather than making time for Him. I was looking at it more out of duty rather spending time with the One who has been chasing after me, waiting on me, and loving me in spite of my many failures.
Simply put, this blog has been more for my benefit than anyone else's, so that I could write out a little of what is going on my head. I just know that my Savior deserves my best, and I quite convicted that He has not received that. He deserves more from me, not b/c I should, but b/c I want to.
When you think of it or after reading this, would you lift up a prayer or two for me that God will consume all of me and that He will be in control and I will simply yield and quit trying it my way.
Physically, I am 35 but feel 65, if you can know what a particular age feels like. I can't get enough sleep and when I can, my body hurts so I wake up. I don't exercise like I know I should b/c I am always tired when I can. My bouts with back pain continue, my eyes continue to cause issues, which only causes me stress and anxiety.
I am reading the book Crazy Love by Francis Chan. Yet God says in His word to "Rejoice in the Lord ALWAYS. Verse 6 goes on to say these condemning words "do not be anxious about anything."
I am paraphrasing from Chan's book now. When I convey my belief in my head that my stress/anxiety/circumstances are bigger than God's commands to always rejoice and not to be anxious about anything, I essentially say my issues are bigger than God's word and that I have the right to disobey God.
Here is direct from Chan on page 42
WORRY-imples that we don't quite trust that God is big enough, powerful enough, or loving enough to take care of what's happening in our lives. STRESS--says taht the things that we are involved in are important enough to merit our impatience, our lack of grace toward others, or our tight grip of control."
OUCH!!! Who do I think that I am? Yet I struggle with this and I am in a place where emotionally, spiritually I feel drained and almost empty. I don't know what to do or how to do much, but I am trying to run to my Dad. To the one or two who may actually read this, I am not seeking your professional psychological advice but seeking your prayers.
The thing that this book and journey is teaching me that is that I don't want to give God any leftovers (chapter 5 of Crazy Love) but I am quite guilty of that. My Lord who has forgiven me of the unforgiveable, saved me from the impossible, and lifted me up out of the bottomless pit, deserves my very best.
It seems that I have been guilty of giving my best to my "job" but not to the One who called me to this "job." It is so easy in ministry to get so busy doing ministry that I neglect the most important relationship with my Lord and Savior. I have been so guilty of expecting God to do things my way and then get frustrated when my way was not met, that I not only put God in a box, but I ignored my time with Him.
I have just finished reading Ecclesiastes, which I must warn you not to read in a time of depression or sorrow b/c it is all meaningless anyway, a chasing after the wind, so it will only be gas to a fire. I don't want to mislead you or cause you to think that I have not been in the Word or spent time with God. But my time was been my leftover time. It has been when I could fit Him in, rather than making time for Him. I was looking at it more out of duty rather spending time with the One who has been chasing after me, waiting on me, and loving me in spite of my many failures.
Simply put, this blog has been more for my benefit than anyone else's, so that I could write out a little of what is going on my head. I just know that my Savior deserves my best, and I quite convicted that He has not received that. He deserves more from me, not b/c I should, but b/c I want to.
When you think of it or after reading this, would you lift up a prayer or two for me that God will consume all of me and that He will be in control and I will simply yield and quit trying it my way.
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Do I have a Crazy kind of love?
I am reading a book that is must read for a Christian. In a time when many who call themselves Christians yet look and act no different than the world, this book by Francis Chan called "Crazy Love" is a necessary read. But I warn you upfront, don't read this book if you aren't willing to take your faith journey seriously. If you want to be like the world, live like the world, look like the world, then do not read this book.
However if you want to take your faith deeper and look more like Christ Jesus, then take the challenge. It is not an easy read by any means. I can only read part of it and then I have to put it down and confess/pray/repent/dig into the Word. However, the theology is right on and something we need for right now. At least I do.
Our church is going to be doing this as a small group Bible study on Sunday nights, and it will be something that will cause us to go deeper and quite possibly show our true colors. It is time, it is necessary, and it is a Godly mandate that we look/act/love differently than the world. I must be more like my Savior, my Lord, my God.
I hope you take the challenge. I hope you go deeper. I hope you have a Crazy kind of love.
For the Kingdom and for His glory
However if you want to take your faith deeper and look more like Christ Jesus, then take the challenge. It is not an easy read by any means. I can only read part of it and then I have to put it down and confess/pray/repent/dig into the Word. However, the theology is right on and something we need for right now. At least I do.
Our church is going to be doing this as a small group Bible study on Sunday nights, and it will be something that will cause us to go deeper and quite possibly show our true colors. It is time, it is necessary, and it is a Godly mandate that we look/act/love differently than the world. I must be more like my Savior, my Lord, my God.
I hope you take the challenge. I hope you go deeper. I hope you have a Crazy kind of love.
For the Kingdom and for His glory
Monday, January 11, 2010
dealing with murder and more
On January 1, my uncle was shot and killed by a guy who worked for him. Needless to say, he was not one of high morality. In fact, he was just the opposite. However, throughout this entire process my anger has been more directed towards my uncle as has my mom, since it was her brother.
My uncle was an alcoholic. Alcohol was an accessory to the murder, since both men were drinking. In fact, both men were alcoholics and when drinking would get into knock-down drag out fights consistently according to my cousin, the son of my uncle.
My uncle also surrounded himself with people of less than noble character. He pushed everyone else away. The saying that people will drag you down is definitely certain in the case of my uncle. Surround yourself with people of honor and integrity and you will become more honorable and full of integrity. Surround yourself with the opposite and well, you get the picture.
My uncle was a Vietnam veteran. In fact, everyone who knew him before and after say that he was never the same. I would have liked to known the man before, but all I have known is the distant man whom I called Uncle Don. Regardless of whether you support a war or not, support our troops. Take it up with the politicians and not the soliders. They are only following orders. 2nd, don't be like many during the late 60's, 70's, and even now who spit on soliders, curse them, hold protests against the soldiers, or treat them as criminals. This only aided in the bitterness and anger of my uncle and other Vietnam veterans who deserve better.
Through this death, we are uncovering things that we did not know that were there. My mom is struggling which hurts my heart. She is angry, not at the murderer, but at my uncle as he chose to allow this guy around. He chose to drink. He chose to isolate himself. He chose not to be close to his son, which has only caused him to be angry as well. One man's choice has rippled into the lives of so many others.
When someone tells you that their choices/actions don't affect others, just think of my uncle.
Throughout this entire ordeal which is truly beyond the words or lack thereof that I can express. Christians have been praying for our family. I truly don't know how we would have gone through the past 10 days. Friends have called and shared their prayers. How do people get through the storms of life without the hope/peace/strength/grace that comes from Jesus?
So if that is you, thank you.
We still face the courts, a District Attorney in Cotton county who shares no information with the family. He won't even take an appointment. We wonder why our court system is corrupt and not worthy of trust. See him for an illustration. but God is on His throne and He is the One in control. He is the ultimate Judge. We still need your prayers, and my mom and my cousin need them the most.
Would you ask the Father to use this tragedy to draw my cousin to Him? Would God somehow get the glory through this!
My uncle was an alcoholic. Alcohol was an accessory to the murder, since both men were drinking. In fact, both men were alcoholics and when drinking would get into knock-down drag out fights consistently according to my cousin, the son of my uncle.
My uncle also surrounded himself with people of less than noble character. He pushed everyone else away. The saying that people will drag you down is definitely certain in the case of my uncle. Surround yourself with people of honor and integrity and you will become more honorable and full of integrity. Surround yourself with the opposite and well, you get the picture.
My uncle was a Vietnam veteran. In fact, everyone who knew him before and after say that he was never the same. I would have liked to known the man before, but all I have known is the distant man whom I called Uncle Don. Regardless of whether you support a war or not, support our troops. Take it up with the politicians and not the soliders. They are only following orders. 2nd, don't be like many during the late 60's, 70's, and even now who spit on soliders, curse them, hold protests against the soldiers, or treat them as criminals. This only aided in the bitterness and anger of my uncle and other Vietnam veterans who deserve better.
Through this death, we are uncovering things that we did not know that were there. My mom is struggling which hurts my heart. She is angry, not at the murderer, but at my uncle as he chose to allow this guy around. He chose to drink. He chose to isolate himself. He chose not to be close to his son, which has only caused him to be angry as well. One man's choice has rippled into the lives of so many others.
When someone tells you that their choices/actions don't affect others, just think of my uncle.
Throughout this entire ordeal which is truly beyond the words or lack thereof that I can express. Christians have been praying for our family. I truly don't know how we would have gone through the past 10 days. Friends have called and shared their prayers. How do people get through the storms of life without the hope/peace/strength/grace that comes from Jesus?
So if that is you, thank you.
We still face the courts, a District Attorney in Cotton county who shares no information with the family. He won't even take an appointment. We wonder why our court system is corrupt and not worthy of trust. See him for an illustration. but God is on His throne and He is the One in control. He is the ultimate Judge. We still need your prayers, and my mom and my cousin need them the most.
Would you ask the Father to use this tragedy to draw my cousin to Him? Would God somehow get the glory through this!
Sunday, December 20, 2009
A spiritual moment with my daughter
Tonight at church, we celebrated the Lord's Supper. In our church, we do not do this on a weekly basis as some do. Our 5 year daughter was with us tonight, which presented us an opportunity to "teach". As the bread was being passed, she grabbed for a piece which my wife and I had to tell her no, which my head-strong 5 year old did not like. She wanted to do what the big people were doing. My wife explained what the bread symbolized, the body of Jesus. Then it was my turn as I got my daughter on my lap and shared that born-again, baptized believers take part in this time to remember Christ's life, death, and resurrection.
What these moments did for me is to remind me of my need to pray for my child's salvation, but also her spiritual growth afterwards. Once we choose to make Jesus our Lord and Savior, this is just the beginning of our journey. So many times, when people make this choice, we forget that they are just babes in their spiritual journey. The important thing that we must do is to continue to help them to walk and grow in their relationship with Christ. We will never get to the goal until we stand before the Father. Until then, we must strive to become more like Him and die to ourselves.
This night as we looked back at the life of Christ, His death on the Cross, and His resurrection, we also looked ahead to His return. My purpose as a father is to prepare my children to be ready, to lead them to a place where they have opportunities to follow the King of kings and Lord of lords.
In this Christmas season, let's us not forget that Jesus is the Son of God and that He left the Father for us. There is no other faith/religion/god/etc that did anything for its followers except what we call the Christian faith. Allah did nothing, Buddha did nothing, the Hindu gods have done nothing, only the Father. This is not a Happy Holidays type of thing. This is the reason we have hope and can have peace. It is all about Jesus and we must not allow our world to silence us. We must stand up and speak out that Jesus is the only reason for this season or really any other.
What these moments did for me is to remind me of my need to pray for my child's salvation, but also her spiritual growth afterwards. Once we choose to make Jesus our Lord and Savior, this is just the beginning of our journey. So many times, when people make this choice, we forget that they are just babes in their spiritual journey. The important thing that we must do is to continue to help them to walk and grow in their relationship with Christ. We will never get to the goal until we stand before the Father. Until then, we must strive to become more like Him and die to ourselves.
This night as we looked back at the life of Christ, His death on the Cross, and His resurrection, we also looked ahead to His return. My purpose as a father is to prepare my children to be ready, to lead them to a place where they have opportunities to follow the King of kings and Lord of lords.
In this Christmas season, let's us not forget that Jesus is the Son of God and that He left the Father for us. There is no other faith/religion/god/etc that did anything for its followers except what we call the Christian faith. Allah did nothing, Buddha did nothing, the Hindu gods have done nothing, only the Father. This is not a Happy Holidays type of thing. This is the reason we have hope and can have peace. It is all about Jesus and we must not allow our world to silence us. We must stand up and speak out that Jesus is the only reason for this season or really any other.
Wednesday, December 16, 2009
Eyes
I recently had eye surgery. Not Lasik, but to minimize my double vision. I have always seen more than one image, but only until the last 6-9 months has it gotten to where I was seeing 2 images. I have had this surgery previously, but this was more difficult.
The entire process, particularly the healing process after surgery has had my mind thinking. How well we see is determined by several factors such as genetics, birth defects, prescription glasses or contacts, etc. But what about our spiritual vision?
I could not read the Bible until only yesterday, so I had to rely on my wife to read to me at night. It minimized my time with God and it affected my spiritual vision. I thought more through the lens of my flesh & bone rather than the spirit of God. Selfish thoughts crept in and took over more readily than the times that I am in the Word.
It affected how I treated my kids. Granted, part of this might have the fact that I was going stir crazy too, but my anger and lack of patience were more easily seen than when I am close to my heavenly Father.
But I wonder, what do we see and what are you seeing right now? Is your spiritual lens on? Is it clean? Are you in focus with Him?
The entire process, particularly the healing process after surgery has had my mind thinking. How well we see is determined by several factors such as genetics, birth defects, prescription glasses or contacts, etc. But what about our spiritual vision?
I could not read the Bible until only yesterday, so I had to rely on my wife to read to me at night. It minimized my time with God and it affected my spiritual vision. I thought more through the lens of my flesh & bone rather than the spirit of God. Selfish thoughts crept in and took over more readily than the times that I am in the Word.
It affected how I treated my kids. Granted, part of this might have the fact that I was going stir crazy too, but my anger and lack of patience were more easily seen than when I am close to my heavenly Father.
But I wonder, what do we see and what are you seeing right now? Is your spiritual lens on? Is it clean? Are you in focus with Him?
Tuesday, November 24, 2009
Love or Duty
This thought was passed to me and others @ a conference for student pastors in Oklahoma City, OK. Jarrod Jones was our speaker. He warned us not to preach duty to God, but share the love of God and our need to love God. We must teach the Gospel as well as Grace. The key is that we do not focus on behavior modification. He focused on several passages but the ones that deal with this issue comes from Rom. 7:4, 14.
Here is difficulty. Behavior modification is tangible & measureable. A heart and love for God is not easily measured. As a minister, we want to neatly package things so that people can see immediate results and we as well. Yet, the spiritual journey of our faith and growth as followers of Jesus is nothing immediate and sometimes not measureable by human standards.
Just something to thank about.
Here is difficulty. Behavior modification is tangible & measureable. A heart and love for God is not easily measured. As a minister, we want to neatly package things so that people can see immediate results and we as well. Yet, the spiritual journey of our faith and growth as followers of Jesus is nothing immediate and sometimes not measureable by human standards.
Just something to thank about.
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